Wedding Planning Step by Step

By Avis Shiveler Brangan

The Maid of Honor

The Bride’s “honor attendant” is called the Maid of Honor if she is not married. She is usually someone very close to the Bride; her best friend, her sister or a close relative. The Maid of Honor assists the Bride in any way she can and lends the Bride moral support. The Maid of Honor “supervises” or helps the Flower Girl and the Bridesmaids, organizes their gown fittings and makes sure they arrive at the ceremony site on time. The “honor attendant,” although not obliged to do so, may give a shower for the Bride, and should make every effort to attend all pre-wedding parties and post-wedding parties that she’s invited to. The Maid of Honor helps the Bride get ready before the wedding and before the departure from the reception. The Maid of Honor may also offer a toast to the newlyweds at the reception. Yes, the Bride can have more than one Maid of Honor. A Maid of Honor’s gown may be the same color and style as the Bridesmaid’s gown or something different.

The Matron of Honor

If the Bride’s “honor attendant” is married (or has been married) she is the Matron of Honor. Yes, the Bride can have a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor or more than one Matron of Honor. A Matron of Honor has the same duties and responsibilities as a Maid of Honor. The Matron of Honor’s gown may be the same color and style as the Maid of Honor’s gown and the Bridesmaid’s gown or something different.

The Bridesmaids

The number of Bridesmaids in the wedding party is based on the formality of your wedding (an “ultra formal wedding” has six to twelve Bridesmaids, a “casual” or “informal wedding” has one [or no] Bridesmaid). The Bridesmaids’ duties include running errands for the Bride and assisting both the Bride and the Maid of Honor. Though not obliged to do so, the Bridesmaids may also help plan a bridal shower or pre-wedding or post-wedding parties. The Bridesmaids’ gowns may be the same color and style as the Maid or Honor’s gown or it maybe something different.

Note: The Maid of Honor, the Matron of Honor, and the Bridesmaids are responsible for their own lodging and transportation to the city where the ceremony is taking place.

The Maid of Honor, the Matron of Honor, and the Bridesmaids pay for their own gowns and accessories (except for the flowers).

Because the Maid of Honor, the Matron of Honor, and the Bridesmaids have other wedding related “expenses” they should never feel compelled or obligated to buy a gift for each shower or party they attend.

The Junior Bridesmaid

The Junior Bridesmaid is usually ten to thirteen years old. She can be the daughter of the Bride or Groom or a younger sister. The Junior Bridesmaid usually wears a dress similar to a Bridesmaid or something a little simpler. The Junior Bridesmaid’s Mother and/or Father are responsible for her lodging and transportation to the city where the wedding is taking place plus the cost of her gown and accessories (except the flowers.) The Junior Bridesmaid should be invited to all appropriate pre-wedding and post-wedding parties. Neither the Junior Bridesmaid nor her parents should be asked to contribute to any party expenses or fees.

The Flower Girl

The Flower Girl is usually six to ten years old. She can be the daughter of the Bride or Groom or a cousin or niece or the daughter of a good friend. The Flower Girl can wear a gown similar the to the Bridesmaids or just a party dress that is similar in color or style to the Bridesmaids. The Flower Girl’s Mother and/or Father are responsible for her lodging and transportation to the city where the wedding is taking place plus the cost of her gown and accessories (except the flowers). The Flower Girl and/or her parents should be invited to all appropriate pre-wedding and post-wedding parties. The parents of the Flower Girl should not be asked to contribute to any party expenses or fees. Traditionally, the Flower Girl drops petals along the Bride’s pathway but today there are many ceremony sites that will not permit the dropping of fresh or silk petals so a small basket of flowers or a small nosegay can be substituted. The Flower Girl walks down the aisle after the Ring Bearer and before the Bride and her escort.

The Ring Bearer

The Ring Bearer is usually six to ten years old. He can be the son of the Bride or Groom or a cousin or a nephew or the son of a good friend. The Ring Bearer can wear a suit or formal wear similar to the Groomsmen or something that coordinates with or complements the party dress that the Flower Girl is wearing. The Ring Bearer’s Mother and/or Father are responsible for his lodging and transportation to the city where the city is taking place plus the cost of his wedding attire. The Ring Bearer’s pillow (traditionally white or cream satin) should be provided by the Bride or Groom. The Ring Bearer and/or his parents should be invited to all appropriate pre-wedding or post-wedding parties. The parents of the Ring Bearer should not be asked to contribute to any party expenses or fees. Traditionally, faux rings are sewn or tied onto the Ring Bearer’s pillow and the real rings are carried down the aisle by the Best Man. The Ring Bearer walks down the aisle after the Maid/Matron of Honor and before the Flower Girl, it is also acceptable for the Flower Girl and the Ring Bearer to walk down the aisle together.

Note: You do not have to have the same number of female and male members in the wedding party.

The Ushers

The Ushers hand out maps to the reception site and/or ceremony programs and/or escorts the guests to their seats. If the Ushers are not participating in the ceremony it is acceptable for them to wear a dark suit and tie even though the Groom, the Best Man, and the Groomsmen are wearing formal wedding attire. A boutonniere should be pinned on the Usher’s left lapel, this identifies him as a member of the wedding party. The Ushers should be invited to all pre-wedding or post-wedding parties. The Ushers may be asked to contribute to any expenses or fees that involve a party for the Groom. One Usher is needed for every fifty guests that have been invited to the ceremony. The Ushers can also help decorate the Bride and Groom’s “get away car.”

The Groomsmen

The Groomsmen can also be Ushers, if needed. The Groomsmen should wear the same wedding attire as the Groom and the Best Man. A boutonniere should be pinned on the Groomsman’s left lapel. The Groomsmen should be invited to all pre-wedding or post-wedding parties. The Groomsmen may be asked to contribute to any expenses or fees that involve a party for the Groom. Traditionally, the Groomsmen decorate the Bride and Groom’s “get away car.”

The Best Man

The Groom’s “honor attendant” is called The Best Man. The Best Man can be the Groom’s Father or brother or a close friend. The Groom can have one Best Man or several. The Best Man standing next to the Groom traditionally carries in and holds the wedding rings. The Best Man gives the Groom moral support, helps him run errands, helps him get ready the day of the wedding and “supervises” the Groomsmen and/or Ushers and the Ring Bearer. The Best Man is also “in charge” of handing out the payment (and/ or gratuity) envelopes to the various wedding vendors and service providers at the ceremony and reception site. The Best Man should make sure all the wedding party members are transported to the wedding and/or reception in a timely manner and organizes the decoration of the Bride and Groom’s “get away car.” And even though he is not obliged to do so, the Best Man usually hosts a party for the Groom. The Best Man should wear the same attire as the Groom. The Best Man is also responsible for returning the Groom’s tuxedo to its origin. The Best Man should be invited to all pre-wedding or post-wedding parties. The Best Man can walk in with the Groom or precede him or walk in after him or escort the Bride’s Mother to her seat.

Note: The Best Man, the Groomsmen, and the Ushers are responsible for their own lodging and transportation to the city where the ceremony is taking place.

The Best Man, the Groomsmen, and the Ushers are responsible for the costs or rental fees of their wedding attire and accessories (except for the boutonnieres).

Because the Ushers, the Groomsmen, and the Best Man have other wedding related “expenses” they should never feel compelled or obligated to buy a gift for each shower or party they attend.

The Parents of the Bride and Groom

If possible, the parents of the Bride and Groom should meet at least once before the day of the wedding, preferably after the engagement has been announced. The parents of the Bride and Groom should wear wedding attire that is the same degree of formality as the other members of the wedding party. The Bride and Groom’s Mothers should wear a corsage or carry a small hand bouquet and the Fathers should wear a boutonniere on the left lapel of their jacket. The parents should be invited to all appropriate pre-wedding and post-wedding parties.

Note: Neither the Bride’s Mother or Father nor the Groom’s Mother or Father nor any member of the Bride or Groom’s immediate family (brothers or sisters or live-in grandparents) should host (or pay for) a shower (or a party that involves the giving of gifts) for the Bride and/or Groom, it is a form a solicitation and shows poor taste.

The parents are responsible for their own lodging and transportation to the city where the wedding is taking place.

The parents should all assume all costs or rental fees for their wedding attire (except the flowers).

Because the parents of the Bride and/or Groom have other wedding related “expenses” they should never feel compelled or obligated to buy a gift for each shower or party they attend.


About the Author

Avis Shiveler Brangan
Certified Wedding Specialist
Professional Bridal Consultant
Nondenominational Minister
www.top-hat-productions.com
York, PA

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